January 2: MTC's Newest Book: "Shut Up Already: The FAQ For Life" is just that: a book full of answers to questions every person asks in their life. Things like:

-I'm balding! What can I do?
The answer is obvious: Suicide. There's no cure for balding creeps, not to mention you can't be bald and dead at the same time.

-Why did my girlfriend leave me?
Because she's a total slut that gives really good head. Yeah.

-Should I pursue career x?
No. That'll just make you hate it. Alternatively, suicide is a great career path as it doesn't require any degrees or formal training.

Lucky for you, I'm 20 years old and have seen everything your bland, meaningless life could possibly offer. I've got it all figured out, so shut up already and buy my book for the answers to all of life's mysteries.